Becoming A Gentleman

Sympathy, Knowledge and Poise seem to be the three ingredients that are most needed in forming the Gentle Man. I place these elements according to their value. No man is great who does not have Sympathy plus, and the greatness of men can be safely gauged by their sympathies. Sympathy and imagination are twin sisters. Your heart must go out to all men, the high, the low, the rich, the poor, the learned, the unlearned, the good, the bad, the wise and the foolish it is necessary to be one with them all, else you can never comprehend them. Sympathy! it is the touchstone to every secret, the key to all knowledge, the open sesame of all hearts. Put yourself in the other man's place and then you will know why he thinks certain things and does certain deeds. Put yourself in his place and your blame will dissolve itself into pity, and your tears will wipe out the record of his misdeeds. The saviors of the world have simply been men with wondrous sympathy.
But Knowledge must go with Sympathy, else the emotions will become maudlin and pity may be wasted on a poodle instead of a child; on a field-mouse instead of a human soul. Knowledge in use is wisdom, and wisdom implies a sense of values you know a big thing from a little one, a valuable fact from a trivial one. Tragedy and comedy are simply questions of value: a little misfit in life makes us laugh, a great one is tragedy and cause for expression of grief.
Poise is the strength of body and strength of mind to control your Sympathy and your Knowledge. Unless you control your emotions they run over and you stand in the mire. Sympathy must not run riot, or it is valueless and tokens weakness instead of strength. In every hospital for nervous disorders are to be found many instances of this loss of control. The individual has Sympathy but not Poise, and therefore his life is worthless to himself and to the world.

He symbols inefficiency and not helpfulness. Poise reveals itself more in voice than it does in words; more in thought than in action; more in atmosphere than in conscious life. It is a spiritual quality, and is felt more than it is seen. It is not a matter of bodily size, nor of bodily attitude, nor attire, nor of personal comeliness: it is a state of inward being, and of knowing your cause is just. And so you see it is a great and profound subject after all, great in its ramifications, limitless in extent, implying the entire science of right living. I once met a man who was deformed in body and little more than a dwarf, but who had such Spiritual Gravity such Poise that to enter a room where he was, was to feel his presence and acknowledge his superiority. To allow Sympathy to waste itself on unworthy objects is to deplete one's life forces. To conserve is the part of wisdom, and reserve is a necessary element in all good literature, as well as in everything else.
Poise being the control of our Sympathy and Knowledge, it implies a possession of these attributes, for without having Sympathy and Knowledge you have nothing to control but your physical body. To practise Poise as a mere gymnastic exercise, or study in etiquette, is to be self-conscious, stiff, preposterous and ridiculous. Those who cut such fantastic tricks before high heaven as make angels weep, are men void of Sympathy and Knowledge trying to cultivate Poise. Their science is a mere matter of what to do with arms and legs. Poise is a question of spirit controlling flesh, heart controlling attitude.
Get Knowledge by coming close to Nature. That man is the greatest who best serves his kind. Sympathy and Knowledge are for use you acquire that you may give out; you accumulate that you may bestow. And as God has given unto you the sublime blessings of Sympathy and Knowledge, there will come to you the wish to reveal your gratitude by giving them out again; for the wise man is aware that we retain spiritual qualities only as we give them away. Let your light shine. To him that hath shall be given. The exercise of wisdom brings wisdom; and at the last the infinitesimal quantity of man's knowledge, compared with the Infinite, and the smallness of man's Sympathy when compared with the source from which ours is absorbed, will evolve an abnegation and a humility that will lend a perfect Poise. The Gentleman is a man with perfect Sympathy, Knowledge, and Poise.

How To Enter Into Society

The desire of pleasing is, of course, the basis of social connexion. Persons who enter society with the intention of producing an effect, and of being distinguished, however clever they may be, are never agreeable. They are always tiresome, and often ridiculous. Persons, who enter life with such pretensions, have no opportunity for improving themselves and profiting by experience. They are not in a proper state to observe: indeed, they look only for the effect which they produce, and with that they are not often gratified. They thrust themselves into all conversations, indulge in continual anecdotes, which are varied only by dull disquisitions, listen to others with impatience and heedlessness, and are angry that they seem to be attending to themselves. Such men go through scenes of pleasure, enjoying nothing. They are equally disagreeable to themselves and others. Young men should, therefore, content themselves with being natural. Let them present themselves with a modest assurance: let them observe, hear, and examine, and before long they will rival their models.
The quality which a young man should most affect in intercourse with gentlemen, is a decent modesty: but he must avoid all bashfulness or timidity. His flights must not go too far; but, so far as they go, let them be marked by perfect assurance.
Among persons who are much your seniors behave with the utmost respectful deference. As they find themselves sliding out of importance they may be easily conciliated by a little respect.
By far the most important thing to be attended to, is ease of manner. Grace may be added afterwards, or be omitted altogether: it is of much less moment than is commonly believed. Perfect propriety and entire ease are sufficient qualifications for standing in society, and abundant prerequisites for distinction.
There is the most delicate shade of difference between civility and intrusiveness, familiarity and common-place, pleasantry and sharpness, the natural and the rude, gaiety and carelessness; hence the inconveniences of society, and the errors of its members. To define well in conduct these distinctions, is the great art of a man of the world. It is easy to know what to do; the difficulty is to know what to avoid.
Long usage a sort of moral magnetism, a tact acquired by frequent and long associating with others alone give those qualities which keep one always from error, and entitle him to the name of a thorough gentleman.

A young man upon first entering into society should select those persons who are most celebrated for the propriety and elegance of their manners. He should frequent their company and imitate their conduct. There is a disposition inherent, in all, which has been noticed by Horace and by Dr. Johnson, to imitate faults, because they are more readily observed and more easily followed. There are, also, many foibles of manner and many refinements of affectation, which sit agreeably upon one man, which if adopted by another would become unpleasant. There are even some excellences of deportment which would not suit another whose character is different. For successful imitation in anything, good sense is indispensable. It is requisite correctly to appreciate the natural differences between your model and yourself, and to introduce such modifications in the copy as may be consistent with it.
Let not any man imagine, that he shall easily acquire these qualities which will constitute him a gentleman. It is necessary not only to exert the highest degree of art, but to attain also that higher accomplishment of concealing art. The serene and elevated dignity which mark that character, are the result of untiring and arduous effort.

Learning to Recognize Your Ego

What is an ego?
Well, in case you didn't know it, we all have one. The ego is the logical rational part of your mind that allows you to separate yourself from other people. You use it each and every day to weigh up situations, people and circumstances in the process of making rational decisions. When I say "I am Sonia Devine", I am identifying with this part... MY ego.
Sometimes the Ego is associated with an inflated sense of pride or arrogance. As an example, when we talk about a person who is behaving arrogantly, people often say this person has a "huge Ego".
But it's a lot more than that. It has a definite purpose. It is responsible for organizing the different elements of the Self to create some wholeness and integration. All of us require this to function effectively as human beings.
So how does this fit in with your self esteem? When we focus too much on this part, we begin to become separated from the rest of humanity, and outside forces have more control over us.
For example, does the quality of your self image rely on any of the following?
How much money you have
What you do for a living
Who you know
How you look
Where you live
What kind of car you drive
If you are defined by what you do for a living, then your self esteem is at the mercy of this factor. So if you lose your job, where does this leave you? Would you still like and respect yourself if you were broke?
It is within your nature to be conditioned to go after these superficial achievements, but I'll let you in on a secret; they have absolutely nothing to do with who you are! You're so much more than your physical body. Your soul is perfect just as it is, and it will continue to live on after you exit the Earth.
All of us are connected by collective consciousness. When you are able to see past the ego, you learn to cultivate true self-reliance. You accept yourself as the perfect being that you are AT THIS VERY MOMENT- not for who you will be once you have had your hair fixed or gotten in with the right crowd.
When you can get past the ego, you experience true self love - and this comes from your higher wisdom. Your knowledge, your compassion, your strength are perfect - and these things are permanent.

Ten Powerful Keys to Healing Yourself

1. Be PresentLive in the now. The past is gone. You can never go back and make it right. You can never re-live a life that was yesterday. Live positively in the present moment, no matter what is occurring. It is All right and perfect. Do not look ahead and dread what may come. Our mind creates a lot of chatter and makes us afraid in order to keep us safe. Tell your mind "Thanks for sharing" and affirm "I am here, I am present". You are always at choice and you know how to make this day beautiful.
2. NatureSit on the lawn or next to a tree. Feel the pulse of the earth, the grandeur of the sky, the coolness of the breeze on your face, or the warmth of the sun on your face. Smile at nature, say hello to the bugs and all the animals you meet. Take a walk in a park or hike on a trail.
3. ExerciseDaily exercise gives you a break from ! your mind chatter, helps pump your heart, circulates your blood, clears toxins from your body, charges you with energy and has many other benefits. Choose an activity that is fun and mix it up. Do walking one day and yoga another day. Take a Tai Chi class and meet new people. The list of possibilities is endless.
4. SpiritualityRecognize and know you are important and unique. Meditate, or sit quietly, and be in the moment. Read books that are uplifting and have positive messages. Give thanks for your health, your home, your friends, all the joy and happiness in your life and all the good that surrounds you.
5. ForgivenessIt is time to let it go. Forgive all parts of yourself to be whole and perfect. Forgive yourself for any past mistakes or shortcomings; forgive the child within for being afraid; forgive the teenager that spoke words of anger; forgive the young adult for not being a risk taker. Forgive others in the past. Forgive your parents, your siblings and relatives. Let go of all grudges. Forgiveness is about coming to peace within yourself.
6. Bubble BathGive yourself permission to relax and savor quiet times. Read a book for fun. Spend that extra money and get a massage or a facial. Do something selfish for yourself.
7. NutritionListen to your body. Feed it good nutritious food. Take a high quality multi-vitamin or a liquid supplement. Most health challenges can be reduced or eliminated with a dietary supplement.
8. Let Go of JudgmentGive up judgement and give up blame. Never speak critically of others or yourself. Speak words of encouragement to yourself and everyone you meet. Accept everyone for who they are and embrace their differences.
9. Service To OthersReach out and lend a hand to a friend in need. Offer unconditional service to others. Be a great listener and really listen to people when they speak. Find ways to help others to lift their spirits and help lessen their burdens.
10. LoveLove yourself and use positive words of encouragement. Compliment strangers and make others smile. Speak from a loving heart and shine with joy.

The Importance of Taking Action

Enjoying a good life is common to us all. We all want the same things, good health, positive relationships, fulfilling career, and enough money to live comfortably. But, there are others that want a life of abundance and prosperity. These are the ones that have dreams of doing great things, having successful businesses, visiting interesting places, meeting extraordinary people, and having the ability to help others financially.
If you are going to enjoy a life of abundance and prosperity it will require some action. This should be obvious. But, sometimes the obvious is frequently overlooked.
You didn't get to where you are today without taking some sort of action. So, it makes sense that if you have a vision in your head about where you would like to be in the future, it will require action.
The problem with most people is, even though they may have the knowledge to do some particular thing, they lack putting the necessary action behind that knowledge.
We often hear that "knowledge is power." But, knowledge is really only power in reserve. It remains useless if it's not tapped into by applying action. Knowledge that is not put to action remains just knowledge in your head and provides no benefit. It's completely wasted.
To accomplish results, we must couple our knowledge with the necessary action to attain results. The formula for achieving results is: Knowledge x Action = Result. If you were to apply massive action to your knowledge, it would have a faster, and even greater impact on your life.
Why is it that most people find it difficult to put the necessary action behind their knowledge? I believe it is nothing more than a lack of belief.
Your belief system is the driving force behind your behaviors and your results. If you can change your beliefs, you will change your behaviors. When you change your behaviors, you will change your results. Then, when you change your results, you will change your life.
It all starts with your belief system. Jesus said, "If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes" (Mark 9:23).
Now, many things can keep one from believing. But, I think the biggest factor that keeps one from believing is fear. It is a fact that it takes courage to succeed. But, keep in mind that courage isn't the absence of fear, it's the ability to press on despite the presence of fear. Many times, the solution to any fear is simply to do the thing you fear. It's amazing how the fear will disappear!
The smallest of actions, even the ones that seem trivial and insignificant, can lead to great success. It's been said that, "Actions, like pictures, are worth a thousand words."
Without action, you could have the greatest idea and the greatest plan in the world and you would still fail. Whereas a modest idea and an incomplete plan often produces success when accompanied by enough action.
You just got to get moving. Sir Isaac Newton's principle that states a "body at rest tends to remain at rest and a body in motion tends to remain in motion," definitely applies to the action principle. Once you've taken the first step, the next steps seem easier to take.
It's a natural law that if you do nothing, nothing will happen; if you take minimum action, results are going to be minimal; but, if you take massive action, then you will be rewarded with massive results.Hugely successful people, the kind who go from mediocre to millions almost overnight, know that the major key to their success was taking massive action.
If you want to become hugely successful you must start at the beginning. Most beginnings are small, and appear trivial and insignificant, but in reality they are extremely important.
It's not only the right beginning that is important, it's beginning in the first place. It's about applying that powerful little six-letter-word called "action."
Author BioDaniel N. Brown is an entrepreneur and teacher of biblical success principles. Get your FREE report entitled, "How to Receive from God" when you sign up for your FREE weekly newsletter.

What Makes Emotional Healing So Hard?

When I was 5 years old our family moved to Starkville, Mississippi. My dad had secured a position as a research scientist at Miss. State Univ. that was simply too good to pass up.
Starkville was a small town like many other small towns across America. Life was slow and safe and predictable. All in all, not such a bad place to live.
For the next 12 years I was a Starkvillian. Like so many other young boys I spent most of my free time exploring the world from the comfort of a bicycle seat.
Life was full of adventures. Looking back now, it resembled a series of Norman Rockwell paintings.
But it wasn't always so idealistic. In fact, for over 20 years after leaving that small town I hated everything to do with Starkville. I called it a nightmare existence in a God-forsaken town.
So why do you suppose I hated it?
I Focused On The Negative
Like children everywhere, my wonder years consisted of good events, bad events, and many mediocre and neutral events. Good times that made me feel good. Bad times that made me feel bad. And many events stirred little emotional reaction at all.
However, my problem was that I discounted the good events, while elevating the bad ones.
The painful events on my past became like anchors - the pillars of the past. The defining moments of my life.
Certain events would happen, and rather than simply feeling the pain and moving on, I would suppress and repress those painful emotions.
Paradoxically, while I denied the feelings, I elevated the events. I would take a painful situation and make it much worse than it really was.
I Embellished My Past
How do you embellish a painful past? Intentionally exaggerate its stature and importance. Like a playwright constructing a play, I would add drama for the effect it created.
I would set the stage. Get the lighting just right. Play suspenseful music in the background. Create a prologue -
"The story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent..."
Like one of those old Dragnet TV shows!
I built it up any way I could. I made it sacred.
And no matter what, I could *NOT* feel the feelings of those past events and let them go! I needed those unresolved emotions to breathe life into an otherwise-dead past.
I spent way too much of my time giving CPR to a corpse of the past. Ever given CPR? It'll wear you out! It's hard to do it for very long; it's just too much work.
Imagine doing it for decades.
I defined my life by those highly selective events of the past that were being kept alive ONLY by my emotional energy.
I Was Giving My Power To The Past
Thoughts and feelings are the very source of your power. Your power - your ability and willingness to act - comes about because of the constant stream of your thoughts and feelings.
Thoughts and feelings are constantly and consistently springing forth into your consciousness.
A stream of thoughts. A stream of feelings. Together they are the source of your power.
If you're using those thoughts and feelings to hold onto the past, then you'll have less power available to you now. Power that could be used to heal your emotions instead becomes diverted into holding the past in place.
I Built My Past Into A Frankenstein's Monster
Out of that handful of painful events I created a backbone. From the backbone I grew a skeleton. Surrounding the skeleton I grew muscles and skin and internal organs. I gave it a heart. I gave it a voice.
All that growth required conscious effort on my part. I had to keep reminding myself of those painful events.
"I really was wronged."
"I really was shamed."
"I really was abused."
Building them up and fleshing them out took a lot of my power. But it was worth it. I got to feel like a victim. I got to hide in my self pity. I was entitled. Hey, I EARNED the right to engage in any errant behavior I chose!
I earned the right to blame, to struggle, to manipulate and punish anybody I wanted. I earned my righteous arrogance because of my embellished pain of the past.
I was powerless as a result, but that's okay. I earned the right to be weak by all the effort I was expending to try to keep the past alive.
***I took the best of me and gave it to a past that didn't even exist. ***
It takes constant effort to keep the past alive. You can't just set it and forget it - like a thermostat on the wall. You have to keep remembering it. You have to keep using today's power to reinforce the imprisonment of yesterday's power.
We Invest In The Past
The past is over, yet so often our power remains trapped in the emotional investment we've made in certain painful events of that dead past.
The past is over.
But the very power we need to break free of those memories is instead being diverted into a much more sinister goal. We invest a lot of time and energy creating a Frankenstein's monster of the past, and it's become too big to handle.
The power you need to heal the past is instead being used to try to keep it alive. It becomes a tangled mess.
You can't heal the past until you get more power.
You can't get more power until you heal the past.
So what's the answer? First you heal a little bit, and you retrieve a little power. Then, in your empowered state you heal a little more and get back a little more power. It happens layer by layer.
And it all begins with a willingness to change.
Author BioMark Ivar Myhre, The Emotional Healing Wizard, author of the highly acclaimed - Emotional Healing Quick Start Guide - what to do right now to feel better.

How to Ask Questions

The best way to solve a problem is to ask the person who has the key to its solution. Asking the right people the right questions is the pathway to real information - about your workplace, your employees, and your customers. So whether you're solving problems, establishing a better working relationship, shaping your vision, motivating, interviewing, or negotiating, asking the right questions is a vital management technique. Here are the essentials of effective questioning...
1. Understand the purpose of questions. Questions are used for a variety of purposes:
to get information
to clarify a point going
to communicate feelings
to make another person feel good
to gain insight.
Your task is to understand the purpose of your questioning, then to use the types of questions that will deliver the desired outcome. Remember, the more senior your position within the organisation, the more questions you should ask. By asking questions - rather than by attempting to provide answers - you help to keep your organisation 'open', tap into others' accumulated wisdom and insights, and conceal your own agenda.
2. Use the right type of question. The type of question you ask can influence the response; in the hands of a skilled interviewer, a question can be a powerful tool. For example:
Open-ended questions (Why? How?) These explore opinions and attitudes, encourage others to keep talking, and avoid a yes-no response.
Closed or yes-no questions ('Did you see...?') These establish specific fact, elicit a pattern of agreement, or force an unambiguous response.
Leading questions ('Don't you think...?) These suggest the required answers.
Reflective/probing questions ('Are you saying that...?') These restate or reflect what you've heard and invite the disclosure of other information.
Rhetorical questions ('Have you ever wondered why...?') These are used for effect; you do not expect an answer.
Directive questions ('So you agree that...?') These focus on desired outcomes.
'Dumb 'questions ('I don't follow. Could you go over it again, please?') These test the rationale of why things have always been done in a certain way.
Summary questions ('So what you're saying is...?') These check understanding and confirm your interest.
3. Keep your questions simple and direct. Good questions are direct and to the point, worded so that the listener has no difficulty in understanding exactly what the questioner wants. If the response to your question is 'I'm not quite sure what you're asking...', your question was not simple nor direct.
4. Ask questions that are focused. Questions should emphasize only one point at a time. Avoid complex, double-barrelled questions. If you keep your questions concise and brief, you'll not cause confusion and you'll get the answer you're looking for.
5. Move from general to specific. Whenever you want detailed information, if you get too direct too soon you run the risk of creating a defensive attitude rather than encouraging open communication. Start with the general issues and gradually focus on specifics. If you start with difficult or delicate questions, you will only cause the other person discomfort. A person at ease will respond openly and without animosity.
6. Ask the question; then pause. There's nothing wrong with silence. It places the onus to respond on the other person. So, after you ask a question, pause, and use your body language to let the person know that you're waiting for a reply. By nodding your head and minimising your verbal response by using 'mm' or 'yes', you can encourage the other person to keep talking.
7. Don't telegraph an answer. Don't be bluffed by an answer. Remember, sometimes we inadvertently word our questions so that listeners can guess what answer will satisfy us; they give it to us and we are happy. Be alert when asking your question. You need an answer based on facts and information, not on guesswork.
8. Refuse to accept inadequate answers. Be persistent when answers are vague. Seek out the specifics until you are satisfied with the information provided. Remember that powerful word why. If a response is a simple 'yes' or 'no', ask 'why?' This three-letter follow-up is very potent and often elicits information that leads to better decision-making.
9. Don't baulk at unsettling responses. When seeking information or when interviewing, avoid evaluating answers and showing your disapproval, verbally or nonverbally, when someone responds incorrectly or displeasingly. In fact, such answers can help to identify gaps in your knowledge, or indicate to you specific areas where further probing is warranted.